Monday, February 05, 2007

The Real M.C. - How I Pimped my Country

Photo by Indi

The era of big government is over. Introducing, Mega Government…

53 Cabinet Ministers, 33 Non-Cabinet Ministers, 19 Deputy Ministers, 1 President, 2 brothers, 100s of Advisors, over 6000 self-hailing billboards, all this on a carefully calculated scientific basis.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Mahinda Chintana.

Yes it is indeed a new Sri Lanka under King Rajapakse, we now have:

A vibrant representative democracy –1 Minister per every 0.2 Million people– India can manage only 1 per every 14 million. No wonder there are bombs in Bombay!

A visionary economic plan spanning over 10 years of planned economic brilliance, all the soviets ever managed was 5 years.

A creative national security policy, 1 person disappears every hour. A truly home-grown solution to menace of terrorism.

All world leaders are now looking up to the chintanaya for answers to their present day crisis. So much so, the king has decided to publish his own book titled the ‘The Real MC: How I Pimped my country’.

Following is an extract from chapter 2: problem? what problem!

“..Is corruption a problem? Why not abolish the investigation body? Getting bashed in the media? Try arresting the editors. Your astrologers fear bad times? Change the time, stupid!. Miss your homies? Build the chaps an airport. Yes now they can fly into parties hosted in your official residence courtesy of the good people in The World Bank, the ADB, and of course your faithful tax payers. ..”

and chapter 4: Mihin-theroy

“..If you are the king, you really got to own your turf. So first, is the multimilliondollar marketing campaign. You have to make your homies feel you are with them; your figure must be visible from every street corner, roundabout and lamppost. Billboards are they way to go, statues are so Soviet Union. Every thing you do, have to scream it was done by you, launching your own Airline? Call it Mihin-Lanka, building a housing scheme? Name it mhindu-sevana, air purification project ? mihin-air…”

and Chapter 5: the Magic Word

“..if you learn only one phrase, let that be - ‘National Security’, now dig that. This is a life saver, yes it is these words that would justify anything and everything you do, it will justify inflation, abductions, shutting down your capital city, crooks in cabinet, yes absolutely anything!. The moment you or your merrymen utter these magic words, your peeps will start nodding. That’s right, time for some big time pimping..”

Many more chapters would be made available at a later date.

All proceeds would go into the ‘Helping Hambantota’ account for safe keeping on behalf of the good people in hambantota.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! I'm looking forward to the rest of it

Anonymous said...

Mahinda stinks!!! My father voted for him and now is regretting like hell.... We should rally around Ranil, who is apparently the better choice....

Just Mal said...

anura and mangala are nothing but fat poofs. why would anyone want to threaten them?

i don't see how ranil could be the pm any time soon except in the dreams of someone with a particularly warped sense of reality.

btw, great article. full of bs but still entertaining.

Deane said...

i donono, with Mangala sacking and all.. but ranil lacks numbers in parliament to ne thing.

its all confusing now.

yeah.. justmal, that was kinda the point, what's with the sanity streak recently though , got tired of all the trolling?

ne way cheers.
Deane.

Just Mal said...

ah thanks for noticing. there's no place to troll now that moju's committed suicide. i was actually talking about maestro/"Ranil will become Prime Minister soon". is he freal?

Deane said...

true. those were the days..

Just Mal said...

So matchang what incentive does the JVP have to support Ranil Wickremesinghe to obtain a parliamentary majority or win a presidential election? As a matter of fact, JVP MPs are now refusing to even acknowledge that Ranil is the leader of the opposition.

Mangala's security detail was reduced because he is no longer a minister and therefore isn't entitled to anything more than 4 guards. More importantly, he doesn't deserve any security from our troops after the way he disrespected them.

Surely you're not being serious Maestro. How old are you?

Btw, how could Mahinda even be in the Temple trees, lonely and shitting himself or otherwise, after he's thrown out of power, and how could that possibly affect my survival when I live thousands of miles away in Australia. You're not making much sense matchang.

Anonymous said...

Read about mahinda rajapakse (3rd march 2007) and his history with the SLFP

http://www.mawbima.lk/articles/puwath/17.html