Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Rounding Up ’07

I really think the nation has prospered during the last year.

Think about it, we now have a credible American Idol-clone, we have our very own bimbo Paris Hilton wanna-be who’s not only blond (literally) and in bad movies, but plans on releasing a music album (Yes, Anar!! This one’s for you!!). And who said news was boring? Evening news has never been better, it’s like a reality show –people beating up ministers, baby-thieves complete with prize money, parliamentary drama. Yes, things are certainly headed in the right direction, now all we need is a bit of public nudity – and we‘ll get there.

It has also been a year of Records, We are now the proud citizens of the country with the world's largest cabinet, Lasith Malinga took 4 wickets in 4 balls, Murali became the highest test wicket taker in the world and our terrorists became the first in the world to acquire aircrafts. We should be proud of the boys – the cricketers I mean.

2007 was also the year of crossovers – the staunchest critics of the government in ‘06 are now its biggest allies, its biggest allies in '06 are now its staunchest critics. In other related news, His Excellency donated a ministry to the Buddhist party. Champika Ranwaka is now the official “pintata amathya”.

In the military front, we liberated the east and Thoppigala, and easterners are now basking in freedom and liberty with a touch of friendly terror courtesy the Karuna and Pillian faction, before the former made a diplomatic entry to Her Majesty’s Kingdom. In the Peace front.. well there’s no peace front.

As far as the economics goes, the government has responded to high inflation the best way it knows how - by Changing the indexes. This follows a previous failed attempt by the Minister of consumer affairs and trade, to introduce a parliamentary Act which has teeth and the ability to "bark".

Anyway, the past year taught us many lessons, both locally and internationally. Thanks to DM Jayaratne we now know that these “abduction” stories are actually false UNP propaganda. People are just freeing themselves “from their wives to enjoy with their pretty ones in unknown locations”.

Internationally, we now know that everything is caused by Global Warming, including Nobel Peace Prizes. In other ‘07 news, Al-Gore is not the Man of the year, the Chinese banned reincarnation, and Russia declared Sex Leaves for workers while a sex worker in Chile auctioned off 27 hours of sex, all for charity.

Oh well, there goes ’07. Looks like we started '08 with a bang, and having having a blast already.

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